31st December 2010!

haha!!last day for year 2010..and I shall end it happily..so 1stly..I need to apologize to J for being so emo last night..hope I didn't screw his night..and actually planned to countdown with my cousinssssss...but they forgot to buy bus tic..so yea..ffk me..so hmm..gona celebrate with my family instead!hopefully will be an awesome night tonight with my family!!keke..

so since is the last day of year 2010..I shouldn't be so unhappy..I shall leave all the unhappiness back step back and relax and welcome my year 2011 which will definitely be awesome!J..happy now??I listen to u..hahaha!!so yea..off I go..dad gona treat me my last breakie in year 2010!!muahahaha!!!tata!!hope all of you have an awesome nite!!

Celeste!!have a safe flight back to Melbourne!!Jasmine!!hope you are settling down in Melbourne now..miss you girls..and I gona say I was super happy when hanging out with my convent buddies 2 days back..and the video my airen made is just too awesome!!haha!!thanks airen!!

Here's the video..huhu..



Cheers~~

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!=)

WEEE!!

okay..gona update a lil stuff here..buahaha!!eventhough I didnt have a super awesome Christmas..but there are still things can lighten up my days!!haha!!SO!I am turning 21st in less then 3 months!!and I am starting to collect my 21st birthday present now!!buahaha!!I got a new netbook from my godma..and a limited edition watch from my godma's friend..mum brought me around the jewellery shop..she want to get me a pure gold key pendant!hahaha..and godma want to get me a platinum key pendant..and recently my mum just bought me a platinum heart shaped diamond pendant as my xmas present!I got my 1st xmas present from my mum..omg!!I have lots of pendant now..zhan zhan!!!here's some photos!!=p

my xmas present!

张栋梁's signature..huhu..

haven got back my netbook yet..so no photos..=)..lalalala

ok..gtg..tata!!cheers~

Merry Xmas..

The suckest Christmas eve ever..my bro's birthday..we used to have celebration every year and countdown for Christmas..except this year..always waited for this day to come so that we can finally sit down together and have a proper meal together..and today..everything is so different and I am feeling so empty..been soo long for not having this crappy feelings..having this crappy feeling is not because we are not counting down for Christmas..but because of someone else..I should have listen to J..block and delete that bloody guy who always come and screw my mood..I always thought I wont care whatever he talked to me anymore..but why is he always acting he is that great and I am always the wrong one..I hate this..feel like crying..feel like talking to someone..but seems like the only one who understand how I feel is not here for me but busy celebrating Christmas with his/her friends..and I can't bear to disturb him/her..just told my friend loudly that I am super fine..and everything is over..then today that bloody guy came and gave me such a big Christmas present..I tried not to hate him..I seriously tried..but why is he always appear at the wrong time..I am feeling so useless..I feel like shouting..I told my mum I am unhappy..super unhappy..but I can't tell her why..I can't cry..is my bro's birthday..is Christmas eve!is supposed to be a joyful festival..what the hell can I do?!TELL ME!what the hell do you want from me?!leave me alone!I am seriously leading an awesome life without you..I am done..I don't understand why some people can be so selfish..trying to screw people life when they can't get their happiness..why are they being sarcastic when they saw people feeling so happy..why does he need to say.."hope your happiness is not due to repression.."damn you man..seriously..I don't know why I care so much about that..and of course my happiness is not due to repression..so please stop thinking so highly about yourself..if you still want to be friend..keep your mouth shut and behave yourself..I don't need you to lecture me on this joyful festival..if not just get yourself out of my life completely..yes..completely..I don't need you to be there to screw my life and hurt me constantly..

No matter what..Happy Birthday..My beloved Brother..sorry for not being able to celebrate with you because of dad..we love you..as usual..=)

New Hairstyle!!

Finally!!after 5 years..finally have the gut to cut my hair short!not short but yea..so much shorter then my usual hairstyle..muahahaha!!feeeling super weird now..my head soo light now!!and I act feel so refreshing!!zhan zhan!!=p..okie..I got shock by myself when I walk out from my toilet and seeing myself being so weird infront of the mirror!hahaha!!so..no hair to play with nemor..and the hairdresser was so happily cutting my hair since my hair was so long..so she can anyhow start..cna't describe the feelings when she cut my hair..she was soo fast..well..since my power is kinda high..so I cant really see how I look like without my spec on..the moment I put on my spec..I was soo shock..my reaction was.."omg..so short!hahaha!"well..I feel like I am a little kid now..but I am turning 21 in less than 3 months time!my god my god!anyway..this is how I look like now!my new hairstyle!!ZHAN ZHAN!!!!

                                                    emo-ing..hahaha!!!

k..gtg now..cheerssss~~~

was going through the facebook newfeed..guess everyone knows about the news regarding this guy committed suicide because of the broken relationship..well..was reading about people's comments..I kind of find it ridiculous for them to actually anyhow criticize him in the public..yea..is foolish to commit suicide because of relationship..but the things is..those people who are commenting..do there actually know how he was feeling?do there know what condition he was in?I kind of get annoyed when people anyhow judging people based on one side story..they know nothing when they were criticizing people in the net..I used to think why people feel like committing suicide when they are depressed..seriously no one will know until when they really get depression..I am talking about medically depressed..not the random emo kids..emo for nothing..and yea..frankly speaking..I almost tried to kill myself this year before the final exam..I was soo stress about my studies..family pressure as well..feel like giving up..like I said I always think is stupid to commit suicide..and I always wonder why people chose to end their life..in fact..when you are in the stage where you have no one to turn to and you are feeling really mentally depressed..ending your life is the only thing that comes into your mind..I remember while I was waiting for train to go back to city from Clayton..I was actually thinking about jumping down the track when the train is going to arrive..when I reached home..I threw everything on the floor..banging my head to the wall..stuff myself into the pillow and tried to screw as loud as I can..trying to vent all the stress out..and cry madly for no reason..I stayed on 29th floor..all I can remember was I was crying non stop..actually I was trying to study but nothing went into my mind and I started to panic..all the negative thought and power just rush into my brain cell..I stood on the balcony looking down from the balcony..I was actually thinking how will it feel if I just jump down like this..was thinking will all the stress just go away if I jump down..I seriously don't know who to turn to..I know by talking to someone will always help..but not everyone will always be there for you..anyway..when I actually wanted to jump off..I don't know why I want to do that..my mind just went all blank..my phone rang..it was my mum..panicking asking me whether I am fine..she said she was sleeping and she dreamt something bad about me..and yea..I was crying like crazy and I told my mum how stress I was..thanks to my mum..I am here today..and I finally understand why depression leads to suicidal..you won't know whatever you are going to do is right or wrong..all you want at that very moment is to end all the annoying feeling..you will just went out of the mind..so why commenting and criticize people when they actually know nothing..why not they just try to go through what he went through and see how are they going to deal with it?why don't those people try to understand how he feels and learn how to sympathize people who are having a problem to walk out of the misery?why are they so many depression patient in this world?because this world is not warm enough..reality is cruel..there are people like them..commenting "want to die then go die..no one will care.."..isn't that encouraging?being sarcastic is not a way to help them..they need love and care..what happened to this world?most of the people only know how to judge the book by the cover..they don't even willing to take some time to look into the matter and try to understand the whole situation before they try to make any conclusion..or some of them just follow the trend..follow whatever people say..try to understand the whole situation is the least to do before making a conclusion..even primary science student who had lab before knew that..and yea..so come on..keep all the swallow thinking to yourself and stop making a fool of yourself..imagine what will his parents feel when they read the comments..you will never know how heart broken his parents are..so stop judging when you bloody know nothing..is pathetic enough to screw by those people who don't know how to appreciate relationship and took people's love for granted..

night world..

little updates..=)

well..been talking to a few doctors nowadays..as in..random chat..not for medical check up and stuff..anyway..I slowly realised I am kind of interested in dermatology rather than cardiology and nuero which I used to think is super cool to explore human's heart and brain..but according to the doctors..in real life..cardiology is fun but neuro is kind of bored and you will not have any achievement in the sense of that you will not have any break through for the technologies nowadays and also for the treatment..whereas for dermatology..there are tons of new technologies in market now..and I never know Singapore has the most advance technologies in medical field..one of the doctor I was chatting with was graduated from Queen's Uni in UK..He took 10 years to specialised with his degree..and now he is tutoring in NUS and working in one of the hospital in Singapore for internal medicine..he told me that he won't need to walk around every morning now..he can just sit back in his office..using all the technologies to find out the temperature of the patients, heart rate and blood pressure..even their current condition..even my friends who are doing internship in Australia now need to wake around 5am just to walk around the ward..haha!!and he told me he was in UK for 10 years..and came back 2 years ago..what surprised him was country like US,UK and AUS do not dare to try something new and country like Japan, Thailand, Singapore are totally different..and yea..I am surprised too..I always love to chat with doctors..listen to their story and experience is fun..they will always tell me something interesting they met in hospital or even during their internship..and I love the way they encourage me..telling me to work hard. joking about reserving me a place in the future..okay..I don't know whether that's a joke but it really keeps me moving on and keep motivating me..we never know what will happened in the future..never know whether I will give up..but those are the things that keep me moving now and I appreciate that..the way they talk to me..like they finally found someone who understand their language..haha!and I seriously had a great time chatting with them..doctors are awesome!and I am so gona be one..nothing is going to stop me from pursuing my dream and I mean it..

okay..so..nowadays..my heart beats super fast without reason..and I just find out I have astigmatism which is sucks!because it is driving me crazy when I am driving at night..I am seriously so upset about it..but good thing is my power went down again!haha!!ohyea..finally had a few hours to hang out with my friends 2 days back..and I am glad our friendship is still there..is like we didn't meet for 1 or 2 years..but we still can update our life without feeling pressure..and I just love that kind of feelings..friends might not be forever but somehow we still need our friends to keep our life going isn't..imagine you don't have a single friends..hmm..anyway..when I was in sec..I always put my friends in the 1st place..which is kind a stupid because there are still so many things much more important than friends..last time I always have a mindset about the more friends I have the happier I am which is super untrue..because the more friends you have the lesser you actually know about your friends..you never know the friends you put them in priority will backstab you one day or whatsoever..and now when people come to me telling me they don't have much friends..and complain about it..I will always asked them back..do you have a few close friends who you can talk to when you need someone to be there?when they say yes..my reply will be..that's enough..isn't it true?what is the point when you have tons of friends when none of them understand you and unwilling to be there when u need them?so yea..that's my recent thought..few more questions in my mind and been wondering about it before I sleep but I shall stop here now..parents waking up soon..got to get everything done now..so tata!!

cheers~

just some random stuff..

I was up early today..partly because my dad need to leave the town super early today..So I have to wake super early as well to get ready for him..prepare breakfast for him and also food and drinks for him to eat on the way..and also 1 of the reason I was up so early is because I can't sleep well..I am not sure why..but something kept woke me up middle of the night..I hardly have dreams..but last night I dreamt about I got insulted and being rejected by someone again..I can't really remember who did that to me..but I seriously can feel my heart is aching when I was asleep..this is not good..woke up with a super depressed mood..and I don't know what to do..

anyway..went through the facebook's new feed..and I realiased..people really do change..perhaps that's the real them and I never know till now or maybe they act well infront of me..I don't look down on them but yea..I am disappointed..I can't deny I never change but I have to say I didn't change to the worst..I used to be very rebellious..I oppose my mum all the time..I talked back and I increased my voice whenever I got angry..which is bad...because she is my mum..no matter how wrong she is I shouldn't be like that..but once I leave home I know I shouldn't take everything for granted..like one said..you shout when you are angry is because your heart is far away from the one you are shouting at..anyway..seriously..I never regret to leave home so early..frankly speaking..I chose to leave home because I am sick of the shouting episode..I want to explore the world..I want to know what will happened to me when I am alone..and yea..thanks to my parents..I have the opportunities to go oversea..without them I am nothing today..without them I am still a rebellious kid who everyone hates..without them I can't do anything by myself..so..so what when my parents scolded me over something I really did wrong..so what when they scolded me when they are in bad mood after working the whole day?do my part and don't fight back..sit down and let them vent their anger on you..when they cool down they will come and apologise..isn't that a better way to deal with things..at least they know there is a place call home where their kids are always there for them..If not what is a family for?I don't how other people thinks..but that's is my point of view..I used to complain about my brother and sister who always bully me by asking me to help them with all the stuff..I used to think being the youngest should let everyone to dote on..but come to think of it..I should thanks them as well..because of them I know how to deal with all sort of situation..being independent and strong..and no matter how much things they asked me to do I know deep in their heart they still love me and care for me..that's enough..don't have to say it out..action is more then enough..having a good relationship with siblings isn't an easy task..friends around me always asked how can I have such a good kinship with my sister..how is it possible to stay with your sister in one studio apartment and sleep together on a queen size bed..this is how you do it..be nice to them..don't get annoyed easily communicate with them..they will treat you back the same..when we were small..I never know all this..instead..I always fight back and got beated by my mum for being acting that way..and I always think my mum is bias and no one cares about me..isn't that childish..anyway..I don't how I come to this part but the main point is..even if I change..I won't change to the worst..because I won't want to let my family down..and I know I can't say anything to my friends who changed so much since our thinking are different..

so yea..that is how emo I am early inthe morning..and I seriously hate being emo now..and I should appreciate  everything I have now..anyway..that's it!gona off to work again..

cheers~

Summer break in Msia so far..

well..touched down to my homeland 3 days already..and sadly my mum was sick..is like something common whenever I come back..my mum will surely sick..so yea..like I said..got tons of work waiting for me to do..and now because my mum is sick..I have more work to do..my mum is like a little kid who will never listen to me..as in..everytime asked her to eat something healthy she will said..save it for yourself..so I have no choice but to forced her in quite a impolite manner..but I know she understand..and she love to overload herself..love to walk soo much when her knee is kinda of injured..scolded her few times already but she will never listen..and yea..I am forced to make her sit down and help her to do everything..

something that I am really pissed off about is the contractor who are renovating my new house..I never know he treated my mum so badly when we siblings away..brought my mum to the site everyday..I will surely saw how the bloody contractor "ill treat" my mum..How can I bear with someone who treat my mum soo badly..and yea..of course I screwed him up..as in fight back for the right..and keep his mouth bloody shut and stop bombarding my mum with all the bloody words..I was bad enough to let my dad know..and my dad of course went to the site by himself and scolded him for his bad attitude..everytime I came back from the site I will be super angry..angry but still need to comfort my mum..mum just being too soft hearted..and she is not fierce enough..well..I am someone like if you treat me well..I will treat u well as well..or even double the "kindness"..but if you ill treat me or harm my family or friends..you watch out..I won't show any mercy..and I am not calm down yet..because I just came back from the site..and I realised by speeding can calm me down faster..but will make my mum heart attack!haha!so on the way back I will drive normally..dropped my mum off and drive around my Taman in a faster speed..and guess my mum knew it..

so..afterall..other then busy still busy..waiting for mum to get ready and gona go out again..I love the time being with mum..cherish every moment with my mum..and MY BRO IS COMING BACK TOMORROW!!can't wait for him to call me "meii" again..haha..I miss him..miss the time we always fight..keke..so yea..will stop here then..will update soooon!=)

p/s:sorry for not attending most of the gathering..my mum is more important!=p..hope you guys understand!!
cheers~

I am Back!!!

Woohoo!!I am finally back home..I am started to get excited now!can't wait to see my new house in donno how many hours time..mum was telling me to choose the tile for my own bedroom!!lalala!!!

Anyway..I am going to tell a bit bout my Air Asia experience today..1stly..Like I said in Facebook..I was impressed..and Air Asia isn't that bad like I used to think..okay..so before boarding..I got asked to go for the full body check again..They always said is random selection but I am the 1 who always got it..eversince I started studying in Melbourne..perhaps I really look like a drug addict!!haha..next..after on board..I was admiring the inner part of A320 I think..I like the seats because is made of leather..haha!okay..lame..well..the only thing I don't like was..you have to pay for everything..and yea..I end up eating nothing..starve myself for 8 hours..than sleep all the way till my migraine started to attack me..and hey!this is the 1st time I didn't get any nose block!!okay..so spending that 8 hours on plane without doing anything was disaster!

Next!Landed in KL..LCC terminal..frankly speaking..I was kind of shock..my brain suddenly got stuck when looking on the direction board..for a moment I couldn't understand all the Malay words..and it was raining..so my mood was pretty bad..and they took me ages to collect my luggage!After that I need to check in for the next flight to Singapore..the idiotic and super unfriendly stuff screw my whole day..she seriously sucks!charged me 20 ringgit just for that stupid 1.5 kg..ishh!sumore using the super impolite way to talk to me..feel like slapping her..anyway..2 more hours to boarding time..so I went in super early..and this time was the different case..everyone got full body check except me!!muahahaha!!Malaysia love me!!I stood there..and the officer actually said.."tak apa..u boleh jalan.."with a super big smile!!and that decrease my angry mood..while waiting to board..there was this family from Melbourne as well..came and talk to me..apparently the son is from Melbourne Uni!!ahaha!well..this family is great!they are nice..they even told me lots of history..we chatted lots of stuff..from politic to history..haha!!

then finally board on to the A200..I was sitting in the middle..1 old man was sitting on my left side and midde aged woman sitting on my right..the weather was super bad..within 50 minutes flight..almost 30 minutes the plane was shaking due to the super strong turbulence..and middle aged woman apparently has heart disease and she couldn't take it.she suddenly grabbed me soo tight and keep telling me she was very scared..I tried to cool her down..then the old man started to talk to me..we had some chat and the turbulence started again..it went worst..the woman's hot coffee poured on my hands and leg..it was really hot but I didn't scream or angry..I act felt glad to get to help her..she kept saying sorry but I kept replying no worries I am fine..the funny part was..the old man asked me.."hey..what's your name?are you Singaporean or Malaysian?"I told him my name and said I am Malaysian..and he actually replied "no wonder..."..and yea..I don't know what to reply..hahaha!!so yea..back to this woman..she suddenly wanted to vomit..but the flight was about to land..and she didn't have a vomiting bag..I started to panic..pressing the button non stop but stewardess like didn't see..so I stood up and wave at the stewardess..luckily 1 of them saw and she reached just in time before the woman vomited..pheeew...haha!!in the end..she keep asking me to follow her and help her..so I did..my parents was waiting outside the gate..and watching whatever I did for the woman..and they got worried..because they scared the woman just want to act and put me into trouble..but all I know was I can't allow myself not to help anyone who are suffer next to me when I am able to help..and she told me she came to Singapore because she wanna see doctor for her heart disease..and she is pitiful enough to come alone..

so..I guess everything was fated..because her actual place is not next to me..she sat next to me is all because she was lazy to go to her actual seat which is next to the window..I can't imagine what will happen if she sit where she belongs to..no one is going to help her..because next to her is another old woman..hahaha!!so yea!I realised I seriously feel damn good to help people who are in need..the man next to me was actually kind of impressed..he kept praising me and said I did a good job..and yea..I was super happy..especially after meeting my parents!!my parents still sooo cute!!hahaha!!we had a super good lunch aka dinner aka supper..and dad promised to bring me to somewhere nice to eat my favourite cod fish!and they gona eat crabs and lobster!my god!can't wait for my sis and bro to come back as well!!reunion!!!hahaha!!

okay..time for bed!hahah!!nite everyone!!HOME SWEET HOME!!!=)

cheers~

leaving..

I am leaving Melbourne in err..22 hours!!haha!!okay..well..I don't really know how am I feeling right now..I am excited but I am kind sad too..I guess because I am so gona miss my sis damn a lot!back in Msia gona wake up without anyone sleeping next to me..no more hugging before I leave home..Arrgh..no one disturb me early in the morning..will I get used to it?haha!Come on!is only err 2 months!!okay..so now I am sad because I am leaving my sis temporary..kind of worried..without me around..no one cook for her..and I am quite sure she won't cook just for herself..we sister are really weird..we don't usually cook for ourselves when we are alone..because is too troublesome to cook just for 1..haha!but I already top up all the food in fridge!all the vegie nicely cut and put it in the container already..so will be more convenient for her..top up all her favorite dry food as well..haha!!she is so gona love me soo much!anyway..my sis today was really sticky..she hug me in sleep till I can't move..then keep calling me all the time..isn't that sweet..haih..

so next!I am excited because I get to see my dad and mum and bro!my god..miss them like hell..and also my beloved godma who keep asking me about my flight detail..eagerly want to meet me and telling me she will be in Changi Airport few hours before..muahahaha!!I am so blissful..and sis told me have to be mentally and physically ready because there are tons of works waiting for me to accomplish!and yes!again..I am going to be super woman again..won't see me online so often anymore..because I will be working from morning to late night and I am sure I will enjoy it soo much!!and of course my buddies in JB,KL and Spore..just can't wait to see them..didn't hang out for soo long already..sure got a lot to catch up..haha!!

so yea!I am in a super hyper yet quite emo mood..I know is complicated but I am sure some of you will understand..haha..and yea!going to hang out with Chris and Sherroy later..yay!!muahaha!!

cheers~~

讽刺。。

和中国朋友聊多了变得想用中文写部落格。。反正这不是重点。。重点是。。我发现了一样很讽刺的事。。我竟然被他block了。。我不了。。为什么连朋友都不能做。。不是都说好了吗？讽刺的是。。我竟然是从我姐的户口知道的。。我姐也似乎有些事隐瞒着我。。我不知从何说起。。总之。。我的心现在隐隐作痛。。那种我不喜欢的感觉又回来了。。他是不是和我姐有联系。。为什么我姐变得那么神秘。。我以为我们的感情很好。。好到我们有对方的密码。。为什么当我问起。。“不知道他是不是block我了。。似乎好久没看见他在线上。。”她没有回答。。过后。。当我要帮她改机票需要登入她的hotmail 时。。密码已不一样了。。我问起时。。她似乎有点紧张。。甚至骗我说忘记了。。拿了我的电脑。。说可能看着电脑就会记得。。还真地记得了。。登入后。。我偷偷进了她的msn。。发现他在线上。。证明了我们之间的友谊就这样没了。。我不禁发出了声音。。姐应该发现了什么。。急忙跑了过来说她要删除掉一些邮件。。可我发现她根本不知道她在干什么。。反正当我拿回电脑时。。她已经sign out 了。。我很沮丧。。为什么要瞒着我。。也许那只是我的猜测。。可是如果真的有联系是不是应该通知我。。让我知道到底发生了什么事。。

Anyway I shall continue in English..was typing super slow and can't stand it..well..I seriously used to think I am really really really over it..considering I am leading a super awesome life now..and I am going back to Msia like in less than 2 days..come on..he shouldn't come in and interrupt my life anymore..I don't know why the hell I will think about him again..perhaps I didn't see him online anymore and I am feeling a bit weird that's why came out with that question..but hey..is he blaming me for not contacting him anymore?but what else he wants from me?since he knows we can't really talk because we will definitely be figiting when we start talking..I hate this feeling..don't understand why must it end up like that..FINE!is hard to talk normally again after breaking up..but can't we just try to be friend again..a super normal friend..in sense of you are on my MSN list..but we don't talk..okay..I am talking rubbish..whatever..I am having this complicated feelings right now..but is too over to act that way!so childish for what!arrgh!maybe I should just erase him from my memory so I won't have this kind of feelings anymore..but will I be able to do so..frankly speaking..no matter how much I over him..I never want it to end this way..I mean no matter how bad we fight..how terrible we were to each other when we broke up..when the time passed..everything started to calm down..I still care about him as a friend..nothing more..I am sad and I feel like crying not because he already over me..(well..he over me even before we broke up..so who cares..)I am upset because our friendship is officially over..wanting me to delete the memory means I have to delete every single memories during my college life..but my college life is the best time I ever had in my life so far..he is not the best guy I ever met but he is the guy who used to touched my heart..and how can I forget someone like that..

well..since that's what he want..I shall bear with it then..hopefully he is leading a good life now and get in to Monash MBBS next year..God bless him..

off to bed..cheers~

Summer Break so far..

well..so far..my holiday is awesome..finally started to learn guitar by myself..and is cool..thanks so much to Celeste for willing to borrow me her guitar..and yea..few days back had a day out with these awesome people..Celeste, Yan Jun, Tiffany and Joseph..Eventhough wasn't the whole college gang but I am happy enough..I don't know why..I was so hyper since that day till now..I am like having this anti-depression drug that kept suppressing my emo-ness..and I kind of like myself that way..and yea..I seriously enjoyed myself to the max..had so much fun..Celeste's lameness..and yea..obviously she improved a lot and good in answering lame questions now..Yan Jun's cuteness..I just can't help it to keep saying she is cute because she is really cute!!and what to do?she is my Qing Ai De!*fyi..we are not les*..and love "quarreling" with Joseph since he is lawyer to be and he somehow love to fight back and anyhow want to sue me!Tiffany's blurness..she was kinda out of case sometimes..and of course my hyperness..because of all these different character we had..we can click so well..and hang out with each other without any burden..feeling so good to hang out with them..eventhough it rained badly that day..we were still able to find something to do without being influenced by the stupid weather..all I wanna say is..Hey..to all my besties..I cherish our friendship a lot a lot..you guys are the one who were always there for me when I 1st reached Melbourne..the 1st time I left home..without you guys I doubt I can walk out of homesick so fast..Never regret to choose not to listen to my mum and come to Melbourne for foundation..if not I won't meet you people..you guys are awesome and hopefully our friendship will last forever even after graduation..still remember the cd with the background music-Graduation(friends forever) I made for all of you before I left Melbourne after MUFY?and you guys can never imagine how touched I was when I received the birthday present from you guys all the way from Melbourne to KL last year..haha!Love you guys so much..♥♥♥

okay..a little updates about today..went out alone to buy presents for my mum's friends who take care of my mum so well when we siblings not around..wanted to thanks them for helping my mum all the time..so yea..I went Myer and David Jones to buy something better for them..After buying decided to find Tiffany since she will be having 1 hour break..so yea..1 hour more to spend before meeting her so decided to sit around Bourke street..the weather was nice..cooling and the wind wasn't that strong..so yea..as usual..people playing guitar..classical and country music which I enjoyed a lot..that is where I found out something about myself..I used to sit there like today alone..and usually I will be super emo and down and started to think about all the unhappiness but today..I was happy..I realised I was smiling and instead of thinking about unhappiness..all the sweet memories came into my mind..and yea..mainly friendship..the friends here..friends in Singapore and Malaysia..thinking about how fortunate I am to have all the awesome people around me..how blissful I am to have friends waiting in the airport to meet me up..and yea..Jeffrey is right to tell me that I deserve a better life and start to look around people around me who always bring me happiness and I shouldn't take it for granted..so yea..I am happy!

Alritey..that's all I think..time to continue my series..keke..

cheers~

Little updates..

Alright..trying hard to change my flight..but too bad..still can't make it in the end..anyway..lots of mould growing on me now..hahah!!

okay..I went to "Dreams come True~The Art of Disney's Classic Fairy Tales" yesterday with my Convent besties..hoho..it was nice and brought me back when I was still a little kid..Snow White..3 Little Pigs..Cinderella..Little Mermaid and etc..I am like walking in a dream..and yea..it only cost 12 dollar..and today!I am going to "The Amazing Bodies" exhibition!muahahaha...

well..finished watching "How I Met Your Mother" and it was kind of boring starting from season 4..so yes and now I changed to Korean entertainment show.."Let's get married"..it was cool..and get to know how should a couple or husband and wife stay together and overcome all the difficulties..and get to know more about guys..and of course girls as well..this show kind of makes me keep thinking bout my future..wonder how will it be..I mean..they are just the fake couples but they can be soo sweet and behaving like a real couples..isn't it nice if all the couples know how to understand their partner and avoid fighting and suff..

anyway..one of the couples..the husband act tried to make a song for his "wife" and after editing..the song is super sweet..*dreaming* again..haha..and it brought out some Christmas mood..so..here we go...



cheers~~

randomness..

Okay..finally found this song..I know is random..but well..this song was found by Kay..Ming Liang's friend who is a korean..he found it funny because he heard my name in it..I don't know him well..but he was laughing soo much when he listened to it with Ming Liang in library so I kind of suspect is something to do about me and there you go..isn't it cool?haha!



next..recently I am thinking about cutting my hair..to yea..short hair..kind of sick of my hair style now..since form 3..and my hair is like getting lesser and lesser and lesser!so I am kind of scared..anyway..any suggestion?hoho..here's some hairstyle I am considering..

Anyway..just considering..because I scared I don't have the gut to so in the end..

so..that's it!too bored..so yea..


Celeste!I am looking forward for the trip..hopefull we can make it!=p



cheeeers~~

Exam is officially over..

Oh well..my exam is finally over..and is only 4 days after the exam and I already feeling bored..I mean as if the time passing sooo slow..till I dont even know what to do..was so excited about planning what am I going to do during the holiday but the fact is I can finish all I wanna do in like 3 days?this is sucks..anyway..I enjoyed myself hanging out with my friends..eating comfortably without having a need to rush back home to study..feeling relax and whatsoever..and now..I am like so freaking bored!I can't wait to go back!at least I can help my mum up..accompany my mum..and more stuff to do back in Malaysia..somehow is still my home country..can do whatever I wan..can go out whenever I want and don't have to wait for the tram..

Okay..I was like keep viewing Facebook after my exam..playing those stupid games to kill my time and I actually find it quite interesting..and realise there are tons of different people in this world..sometimes I just can't understand what are they thinking or what is the purpose of doing something on Facebook..and also in the public..well..that's world isn't it?Anyway..I kind of get pissed off for nothing and I can't find out the reason why..oh maybe some friends who always don't reply my message and making me can't decide what to do t my schedule..well..this kind of guys..I am so gona shooot him when I meet him..asking me to meet up..when ask him when and where..no reply anymore..but I can always see him sooo active in Facebook..screw him man!anyway..why should I care if he doesn't even care..but the thing is then don't ask me at the very 1st place!what kind of friend is this..what is the point of having 11 years friendship!arrgh..my blood pressure is rising again..

Well..nothing much to update anymore..hmm..maybe what I did this 4 days..okie..right after exam..helped Carmen and my ex housemate to packed their stuff..then meet up with Kym and Tiffany..and then send my exhousemate off to China..and guess what..I hate saying goodbye when that someone kind of already enter your life and that someone who always bring you laughter whenever we meet..so yea..he is leaving for good..and I might not see him anymore..but who knows he will decide to come back again..so yea..2nd day..I was trying to bake cheesecake and it turned out nice..then at night I went sing K with Jasmine and Ling Sien till 2am..it was awesome..then 3rd day..went shopping with Ming Liang then at night went and watch Harry Potter 7..and again..should watch it..kind of worth it I guess..4th day..went to Box Hill with Ling Sien to explore the food there..and yea..It was making me to feel like going home more..but anyway..the food there is nice..and at night till this morning..doing nothing at home..and perhaps I need to start preparing stuff for tomorrow Birthday party..

Oh well..I should stop here then..good morning everyone!

cheers~

Sorry That I Loved You

New addiction..he is just too cool..and the song is just too nice for an emo kid like me..keke..enjoy~

Yay!Another rainy day..just love the emoness and the peacefulness the rain gave me...the sound of raindrop and the coolness..Well..I miss cold weather..haha..

Anyway..exam still not over yet..and I was just wondering why is the time passing so slow..I just cant wait for 16th Nov 11.30am to come faster..gona spend the rest of my day in Clayton with Carmen since she is leaving the next day..=(..then my time will be pack till 20th Nov..isn't that cool?So much things to do after exam..Let's see..1stly..I am so gonna start swimming..I miss swimming pool!then play badminton with my friends maybe?and er..shop for my best friend's present..want to learn guitar..gona try making cheesecake and cheese tart..and most importantly..sing K!ohyea..gona watch HP 8 on 18th Nov with my RMIT study mate..damn!I can't wait..and 1 more thing..I am going to meet up with Miss Kym Chew!!my super crazy + hyper friend..just like me..so much thing to catch up..muaahaaaha..

Alright..then..go back to Msia..I am gona be so busy again!helping my mum and dad..omg..I am actually feeling excited about it..I miss my parents and my brother..oh God..somehow I kind of feel this sem is soo stressful..till I can't even breath..and I am sure next Sem will be worst..disaster..hahaha!but I am still looking forward about it..since I am going to do my favourite subjects!!lalalala...

Okay..some random stuff again..I don't know why again..but I am so into Jay Chou now especially after watching Mr. J Channel..he is awesome!haha..well..he is soo talented..and hey..just found outhe knows how to play other instrument as well..like cello..that was awesome!and his lyrics all sooo meaningful..I just love the lyrics..=)..

Alritey..is time to back to studies..I don't know what is the purpose of posting this blog but yea..all I know I am enjoying the nice weather now and taking everything slowly..haha..

cheeerz~~good luck to all my Melbourne Uni friends who just started the exam..

Exam Mode Off..

Okay..this is the reason why I don't like a super long break between 2 papers..it sucks!I mean if there are 3 papers after the long break then is fine..I hate it when there is only 1 paper..right..is good in a way that I have a super long time to study for the last paper..but the thing is..after a super intense week..all I want is to chill and slow my tempo down..or even off the exam mode!and yea..I can't restart my exam mode now..especially after hanging out with Carmen yesterday makes me feel like I am really having  holiday now!hahaha..well..I did enjoy myself a lot!Thanks Carmen!!anyway.. isn't that great?been slacking for 3-4 days..been reading the same lecture notes and yet nothing went into my brain..6 more days!and I am still so slacky..COME ON CHIA EE!!get your ass back to exam mode and switch off your bloody holiday mode..damn..

been studying in library since 8 and yea..not productive at all..sucker!I need somone to sit next to me now to motivate me and make me feel stress so I can go back to how I study like mad last week..but too bad..most of my friends who used to study with me is either they finish their exam already or they are having exam
now..yea..when I say now meaning they are in the exam hall now..aiks..Really got to find back my determination and enthusiasm in studies now..YOU CAN DO IT!!!!

Anyway.. 

CELESTE!!!

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!♥

sorry for the late post..was busy slacking yesterday and you won't believe I went shopping and bought some stuff and realised I am really old now..can't stand long walk just like old woman..haha!anyway..can't wait to hang out with you guys!!!eventhough I know is not gona be full attendance again..but yea..and dah lama tak jumpa!!hope you are coping well..all the best for your exam!!!!read your blog and glad you are having awesome people around you!!see you sooon!!!xoxo!

just some random stuff..I think I kind of like his voice..=)

 

Finally..

The most stressful week is now officially over..Pretty confident for the 1st 2 papers..but well my 3rd paper..I am not sure how good /bad I did..anyway..is over..so I shall not think about it anymore..enjoy myself while preparing for the last paper..

Well..anyway..bumped into Joseph today..didn't know we took the same train to Caulfied till he ran to me and called me..and since we finished our exam around the same time so decided to go back together..As usual..no eating before exam..not enough sleep before exam..my condition was really bad after my exam..haha!super tired and hungry..so I decided to have lunch together since he was going to city..I brought him to Chai..thanks to Jun Jun..now lots of my friends know about Chai..haha!!a better place to bring people for lunch..After lunch we went Passion Flower..finally after soo long I get to eat Passion Flower..not very impressed but is not bad afterall..yea..enjoyed hanging out with him since all of us were like sooo busy for exam and don't even get a chance to even say Hi..I just can't wait for the exam to be over..and can't wait for 20th Nov when all of us can hang out together again to have some fun..

Anyway..just a little update about my life recently..apparently RMIT library has become my 2nd home..basically I just go home for shower and sleep..and spent most of my time in RMIT..and yea..we 3 crazy girls..will never forget to find some fun even when we were super stress..and yea..I got to say..I really appreciate the friendship between us..Thanks Jasmine and Ling Sien to come over and study with me..to help me distress..to encourage me..bought me dinner even when you were out for meeting and yea..can't really explain how I feel..but I thanks God for letting you girls to enter my life..especially after the long conversation we had the other night..I know the bonding between us will be even stronger than before..and I kind of miss high school now..haha!

Alritey..got to get some sleep now before heading out for a super awesome dinner with those 2 angels later..

cheers!!Fighting people!I know you guys can do it..=)

Disappointment..

I am feeling very upset..and disappointed right now..wonder why people just can't treat me like the way I treat them..when they need help..I will surely be there for them..no matter how troublesome it is to solve the problems..I will just smile and said.."is ok..whats friends for?"..but what happened when I need help?my reply was..“你很好笑叻。。我那里够时间帮你。。我来不及了。。”What the hell is it?The moment when I heard that..my heart was soo cold..I swear I will never ask any help from him/her ever again..but I can't swear I wont help him/her anymore..but well..that's me..just a little rant before start studying again..just feeling a little down..aiks..

OMG OMG OMG!!1st time being the 1st to enter library..this feels sooo worng..so not me..haha..1st time feel myself like those typical nerd..haha..carrying lots of books and notes having a big backpack standing outside the library waiting for it to open..the moment when the door of thw library opens..I dont whether I should go in 1st or let others to go in 1st..in the end..I chose to go in 1st..since I was standing right infornt of the door..hahahaha!!!okie..I am weird..tomorrow 1st paper I still got mood blogging..haha!!

Well..I just can't wait for this week to be over..CHIA EE!4 MORE DAYS!AND YOU WILL BE 75% FREE!!I don't know why am I feeling soo tense up for this sem..my god..like can'tbreath like that..this Sem really passed super duper fast!

Alritey..should start studying now..if not no use being the 1st 1 to come to the library..GOODLUCK EVERYONE..oh..and

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELVIN!!!=)

CHEERS~~

Massive headache..

Alright..I am having a massive headache since last night..not migraine just headache..with this headache I don't feel nauseous so yea..just that it is making me feel like banging the wall again..but it didn't work this time..and as if it is going to explode..didn't sleep well for whole night..I don't know why suddenly like that..and yea..I hate it..

Anyway..recently found out this 2 guys and they are awesome..I am attracted to their talents and the songs they compose themselves..oh wait..only 1 of them composed song and another 1 sing better..I am soo addicted to them..crap..that is why studying at home is not a right decision..anyway..here you go...





Currently I am addicted to this song tho..I like the lyrics..and sometimes I was imagining that he sing this to me..then I will melt!nah..should stop day dreaming till the exam is over..haha..

Alright!I had decided!My next boyfriend must like music and know how to sing and play at least 1 instrument!!!Music is my lifeeee....haha!!ENJOY!and good luck to those who are having exam now!!!and also who are GOING to have their exam..=)..がんばて　くだいさい！！

cheers~

Current Location: Monash Uni Law library..

Gonna take this 1 hour before revision lecture to rant a bit..
Well..I don't know what had happened to me this few weeks..My tempered is like so super bad and get annoyed super easily..For example..I can't stand those people who love to sit beside me soo much when there are sooo many empty seats in the train and forced me to take away my heavy bags as if I owe them like that..Then, I can't stand the noise of people eating gummies while talking..During lecture, I can't stand those people who sit beside me keep shaking their legs and people behind me keep banging my seats..and yes!I just can't concentrate during lecture..

I think I am going to explode soon..I realised I am really impatient nowadays..I hate to wait..everything have to be fast..I know is unhealthy but I just can't slow myself down..I can't stand the tram move so slow..I can't stand the train stopping at Flinders Station for do long..I can't even wait for a tram for 8 minutes..and I rather take another tram that is coming in 1 minute but taking the longer way to reach home..yea..I think I am going insane soon..Even when my sis talk to me I feel like shouting..Whenever she called "mei" I know she is going to ask me to do something and yea..I will show that annoyed face then she will get offended then there it goes..cold war..hope she understand me now..I am currently in hypertension stage..how I wish I can go to the beach or even just sit next to Bourke street to listen to those musician playing those soothing song to calm myself down..Actually I tried..I tried listen to those happier song..I banned myself from listening to those emo song but I realised..the more I try to ban myself and keep myself in hyperness..the more I feel miserable deep in my heart..

Exam is coming!in 1 week time..and I gonna say I am studying hard now..but mentally I am sick..physically I am exhausted..everytime I think of exam..my heart beats super fast then I feel breathless and nausea..How can I sit for exam in this situation..I am scared again..DAMN!Anyway..I think my sis kind of realise I am a bit abnormal and she was telling me "mei..I wanna sing K" then I will be like.."Jie, I wanna sing K too" then she will say shall we go?too bad..My reaction was NO!because that will be like wasting soo much time..and I will start feeling guilty about it then my condition will get worst..ishh..I really rant a lot..I seriously think I need a break..but I am feeling really stress and I really need to ACE!haih..I wish there is a drug that can stop me from being so paranoid..not depression med tho..and I think I am really suffering from hypoxia now..and I scared I will be having hyperventilation syndrome too..crap..this is so not right..I feel tired and sleepy sooo easily even sometimes I slept more then 9 hours..aiks..

okie..enough..sorry for the super long ranting..but this is the only place I can rant about myself or my life..apparently there is no one for me to really talk everything out..not even my family..I know how they think of me and what they want from me..so is not right to talk about this to them..so yea..

One last thing..I am now upgraded to the stage that..I don't even care bout his presence anymore..I wont use my account just to see hows his life anymore..and yea..I am pleased..but too bad..sometimes when he suddenly came into my mind..my heart will still a bit aching..but yea..I will be fine..Congrats me!!haha!okie..back to studies..

cheers~

Titanic Artefact Exhibition..

Okay..yesterday I went to the Titanic Artefact Exhibition with my sister's gang..The exhibition was nice..but too bad I cant take any photos..after the exhibition I went for a 3D movie named "Ghosts of the Abyss"..anyway..is about how those scientist explore the Titanic which were buried under the sea for 73 years..well..human nowadays are so intelligent and is like nothing is impossible now..They invented two special underwater robot cameras to explore the sunken ship..It takes you on a dive...to feel the romance of the wreck..they nicknamed Jake and Elwood, which moved the cameras through almost every nook and cranny of the decaying ship and they were trying to duplicate human vision..

this is how the cam look like..The yellow cam named as Elwood and the blue cam named as Jack..

Anyway..the exhibition is incredible..is kind of unbelievable that the stuff that were buried under the sea for 73 years still looks the same..well..After the movie..I kind of start to imagine..how will I feel if I am there..I can't imagine I am floating on the middle of the sea and feeling super cold and thinking that I am losing all my families..OMG!It is soo scary..anyway..I feel like crying during the movie and even during the exhibition..I saw 1 of the survivor said.."I have a feeling that I won't reach Amerika with this ship"..is like they already have the feeling something might happen..and I really feel very sorry for Captain Smith as that was suppose to be his last mission..to drive the biggest ship in the world..then he will retire..who will expect that to happen..this ship was supposed to be unsinkable..this incidence will happen partly because of the selfishness of human..as one of the crew were trying to break the record to reach America in the shortest duration hence they tried to drive it faster and when they met the iceberg..they did not have enough time and space to slow the ship down to avoid the iceberg..and instead of breaking records they become the history..I don't know how I feel..all I know is everything is unpredictable so we really shouldn't take everything for granted..1500 lifes were sacrificed..we really should take this as a lesson..besides, I kind of learn what a team member and leader should do..I really have to salute to those crew in the ship eventhough they know they will die eventually..they stay on till the last minute without running away..stay on and keep sending telegram..helping all the passengers to get out of the ship..I mean..if I am 1 of them..will I be that noble?This question came into my mind when I was watching the movie..Come on..I am hoping to be a great doctor and my job is to save people's life but this came into my mind and I am starting to doubt on my capability again..but..I have to say that..I am willing to sacrifice my time or whatsoever to my friends or people who are in need..but can I sacrifice my life as well?that's a question I have to start figure it out now..imagining I am in a emergency situation..and I know I am going to die if I stay on to help people out of the situation and trying my best to rescue those people who are still unconscious..Will I do that?I don't know..

Anyway..this exhibition is fun that all of us get to have a boarding pass with a character written on top and I got a 6 years old kid going on board with my dad and cousin..at the end of the exhibition..there was a list of survivor and lost..and I actually went and search for it..and I was actually one of the survivor!I was telling my sis about that..but her reaction was.."come on!you are a kid!of course you survive!"..I was like..fine then..well..what she said was quite true since they save the women and kids 1st..poor guys..well..I know I was lame..but the locals were lamer then me..they actually hug each other and said YAY!!Thanks God I survive!I was like..errrrrr...and when somebody died..they hug them as well..and said..I am sorry that you are dead..hahahha!!

Well..during the exhibition and while exploring the Melbourne museum I saw a lot of cute babies and infants and little kids!they were soo cute and makes me feel like having the urge to have a baby..hahahaha!!anyway..they were really soo cute but I pity their parents because they were like really crawling around and fighting in the public!!

Hmm..I guess thats all for now..I am lazy to upload photos here..go get a look from my facebook if you are interested with it..hehe..

cheers~

p/s:I really super active in blogging nowadays..I think I should stop for the time being..exam is coming!!Aza Aza Fighting everyone!!

CN Blue - Love MV

My new Addiction..They are so damn cute!!especially Jung Yong Hwa!He was soo cool in You're beautiful series..haha!and the melody..makes me feel like dancing..and apparently all my emo-ness left me alone after listening to all their songs..their voice nice!!!hehe..

if and only if..

I had a scary nightmere last night..A dream about everyone was laughing at me..and I feel so inferior..that I couldn't reach my goal..I remembered I told my parents before.."My future..is either I become a D or I will go and D" and yea..this freak my parents out..but too bad..I am really that determined to do that..If only if I am smart enough..if only if I am lucky enough..If only if I never know him..If only if I listen to my parents and stay in JB for my college instead..If only if I went to Manipal and not afraid about how tough the life there will be..If only if I don't have so much sickness that keep bothering me..perhaps everything will be different now..everything went smoothly in my life till I make my 1st decision and yea..I screwed it up so maybe that's what I deserved..When I woke up I can feel tears from my eyes flowing down..and listening to the raindrop dropping on my balcony..The only word I can think of to describe my current emotion is depressed..I can't see my future..I don't know what is going to happen next..I don't know how to continue the game..is scary till I don't dare to move on..I scared I will lose more instead..crap..I really hate this kind feelings early in the morning..

well..thought of this song while emo-ing..the song I sang during my primary singing competition..

擦干泪滴。。


and on the way finding this song..I saw another song..I like the violin part and the whole melody..ishh..wish I can play violin..



Hope everything will end soon..and I can get my life back..

cheers~

Pissed!

I really don't know why I get pissed so easily nowadays..as if everything is opposing me..leave alone the METRO train system which always delay..tell me left 1 minutes then who knows last second change from Pakenham to Frankston..I can't imagine how many billion cells I killed everyday..why is the place I am staying now pissing me off as well!Hey..I am really freaking tired today..just stop your bloody maintenance..I am pissed enough that you always close down 1 lift and left one lift for us..36th floors building you expect all of us to rely on that pathetic 1 lift!this is nonsense!then now you close down 2!WTH!ARRGH..damn..I never feel so breathless before..okay..11 floors..Initially I thought nah..easy..but hey..is killing me..especially when I was super tired..I can finally feel whats the feeling of hyper ventilation..is like no matter how much you breath..the oxygen is still not enough to reach your lung..my god!

Know what..I am really good at ranting now..I should really stop that..really not good for my health..and yea..I am chilling now..on-ing my fan to the max..never sweat that much eversince I reach here..not even when I was doing volunteer..exclude during summer..off to shower..

cheers~

I am bored......

haha..currently in Melbourne Uni Law library..Okay.I don't know why I like Law Library so much..The only place I like to study in Monash Uni is the Law Library...hmm..I think mainly because other library like Hargrave and Matheson are super noisy even when I put on my earphones..so yea..and the Melbourne Uni Law Library is soooo much nicer than the Monash Uni Law Library..as in..newer..cleaner..and bigger..but I like Monash Uni Law Library because it is classic enough..okay..I am really crapping right now..thanks to Human Neurobiology..is kind of driving me crazy..I don't know why I study this topic 1st since Neuro will be my last paper and I have 10+ days before that paper..hmmm..

Anyway..my previous entry said that I am pissed over my Epidemiology tutorial group members..and yea..I am stil upset over it..but guess what?!while I was trying to do all the questions for the presentation..I found a PDF file from google..exactly the same except it has all the answers with it..meaning?I don't have to do anything anymore!!!!I should have thought of it since it is a real medical case study..dumb me..hahaha!!

Okay..I really enjoy studying in library especially there are friends to study with me..so yea..Thanks Jasmine for bringing me over..=)..and also the atmosphere..the tension that push you to study together..motivate me a lot..and at least I won't slack so much..hehe..kk..I should stop here now..back to studies!

cheers~~

New Addiction...

This song is awesome..knew it when went to Kbox with my sis's friends..and heard Jim kor kor sang this..super nice but apparently it makes my mood worst..hahaha!!Anyway!enjoy..=)



cheers~

I have no idea what title to put for this entry..anyway..today..I am super moody..or should I say moodswing?maybe is errr post-hyper syndrome due to lack of sleep..okay..so what happened to me today was..I was pissed by the bloody Metro train..wasted at least an hour to wait for the train..haih..well..I am trying to figure out whats the reason that make me feel like this and I came out for some few reasons..here we go..

Events that make me unhappy:

-the train that keep delaying

-my epi tut groupmates..who cancel the discussion till I kind of give up on them for the presentation..they are always so irresponsible..eventhough is only 5 marks but hey..that is easy mark isn't it..I don't understand how can they just don't give a damn on that..what are these people thinking..and I am just going to do everything in case we don't have enough time to finalise everything..

-was sitting in the train..to avoid the sunlight, I chose to sit the opposite direction..looking out of the window as if I am watching my past passing through me..I don't know why I feel that way..I started to feel emo again..thinking about my future..I am scared I might not be able to reach what I want..Guess this is the main reason that brought my whole mood down..I just can't stop anyhow think when I am alone..and this feel sucks..where is my law of attraction?where are all my positive energy?please come back to me..I need you guys a lot a lot a lot..haih..

Events that brighten up my day a little:

-I finally can fully concentrate during biostat tut and I think I did pretty well for chem test..

-I finally won't feel anything or trying to escape when I listen to "Sonata no.17 in D minor Op-31, No.2 " The Tempest" 3rd movement" by Beethoven anymore..I used to skip this song when I was listening to Ipod..considering this is the song he played during the concert 2 years ago and he knows I love this a lot and trying hard to find the song in mp3 format for me which I appreciate it a lot..Anyway..this brightened up my day a little because this prove that I am over him now and I won't feel hurt anymore..
I think that's all for the "happy" event..

Anyway..I feel relieved when I finally added her back as friend..I am sorry for deleting her because of him..somehow we were best friend and I am happy that I added her bakc and explain everything to her and that's it!we are fine again..and ironically..after I added her..his MSN display picture were back to peki again..what does it mean?he still not over me yet?haha..I don't care anymore..we are officially over..he was right..I shouldn't attach to bear so much..is unhealthy and yea..I am slowly detaching myself from bear now..so yea..I am glad I used a healthier way to get through this..If the usual me..I will use alcohol to try to drunk myself eventhough I know is kind of hard..I will waste my time sleeping so that I won't feel that the time was passing super slow..I will flip through all the memories and bury myself deeper into the memories and make myself miserable but NO!I didn't this time..whenever I was upset..I listen to music..I listen to song..I on my player super loud and sing along..I will go swimming when I am free but now no more because no one can accompany me..and is scary to swim alone when the pool is in the basement! and If only if I have a keyboard or piano here..I will play my heart out..

I think I changed..sometimes I can't recognise myself..sometimes I don't know what am I doing..sometimes I feel like giving up..where is the usual me?where is my confidence?why can't I just stick to the new principle I made?I told myself never ever think of negative stuff that will disturb my life again..I failed..I told myself to put myself in the 1st priority..I failed..I told myself not to think about past again..I failed!why am I such a failure?I am damn emo now..please pull me out of this..haih...

I kind of think the blog entry I am writing now is super weird!but yea..that's how I feel now..

can't wait for summer break now..

cheerz~

discovery...

was roaming around facebook..and found out the world is really small..well..found out lots of unexpected stuff like those mutual friends of my friends and bla bla bla..as in didn't expect them to know each other but yea..and also..I found out this guy who is really talented..he composed a lot of music without lyrics and I actually got addicted and yea..I really enjoying it..okay..I think I am starting to admire him now..I also didn't expect him to be like that..but well..talented guys are always attractive..that's all I want to say..

cheers~

I had a super awesome term break..but I am kind of lazy to talk about how awesome it is..So if you really want to know..see my photos in facebook..It might not tell you everything but at least you know what I did during the holiday..muahahaha!well..wasted lots of time during term break so is time to study like mad now..less then a month..whoops!haha..anyway..this song brightened up my day..CARMEN!I change song already..no more Just The Way You Are..=p

Firefly by A Teen

When I said go I never meant away
You ought to know the freaky games we play
could you forgive and learn how to forget
hear me as I'm calling out your name

Firefly come back to me
make the night as bright as day
I'll be looking out for you
tell me that your lonely too
firefly come lead me on
follow you into the sun
that's the way it ought to be
firefly come back to me

You and me
we shared a mistery
we were so close
like honey to the bee
And if you tell me how to make you understand
I'm minor in a major kinda way

Firefly come back to me
make the night as bright as day
I'll be looking out for you
tell me that your lonely too
firefly come lead me on
follow you into the sun
that's the way it ought to be
firefly come back to me

Fly firefly through the sky
come and play with my desire
don't be long don't ask why
I can't wait another night

cheerz~~

I am not quite sure what kind of feelings I am having now.It just feel weird and I don't like it.Eversince I had addicted to "Just the way you are" I feel empty.If only if I am staying in a fairy tales.If only if fairy tales and reality are interconnected. If only if blah blah blah. Mid sem break going to end soon and I did nothing. Maybe some studies but hey that's not enough. How I wish I have a longer break and more time for me to day dreaming.Okay, I can't wait for Sunday!I am going for paintball with a bunch of guys!!I will definitely be their 1st target..muahahahahahahaha..cheers~~

I hate when people lie to me and thinking I am an idiot.As if I don't know what is going on.As if I have no brain to think and no eyes to observe.Crap!But I don't feel like revealing it,I don't want to ruin the friendship.So what the hell can I do other than keep ranting here like a crazy woman.Arrgh!Give me break!What so big deal that you can't tell me the truth but to lie to me.Tell me and I would understand.What are friends for!How many times am I going to say this?I hate people treating me like an idiot!grrrr....

New addiction..

Bruno Mars-Just The Way You Are



This song is nice.Well, is sweet. So, Enjoy..






Jayesslee version is awesome..

Awesome week..

well,I had an awesome week this week.Eventhough this week cwas kind of busy but I really enjoy it a lot.Enjoy in the sense of finishing up all my assignment,presentation and celebrating festival with my friends and family.Went to royal melbourne show, I went there obviously is not for the ride, is for all the cute animals. I went there 2 years ago but apparently I did nothing and came back again. Still remember that was because my friend from Malaysia got really sick when we reached there so I went back with her and take care of her. So, this year I went with my beloved sister and her friend and also my friend's brother from Adelaide-Eugene. Thanks Eugene for trying so hard to wanting to win me a care bear but is ok even if you didn't got it in the end. You did won a super cute eerr..not sure what animal is that and hey!my sis love pink,so yea.haha.

Next, Mid-Autumn Festival.Well I didn't expect to celebrate with anyone since my sis need to work and everyone is like so busy but thanks to my sis's awesome friends who invited me over to celebrate with them. We end up watching lion dance and stuff in 206 bourke street then we had our dinner in Jalan Alor. The food there not too say is awesome but not bad, at least better than old town. Apparently all the chef there are from Malaysia but the funny thing was the manager is from Hong Kong. haha!But never mind eventhough he is from Hong Kong I still need to thanks him for risking himself to give me soooo much cute lantern infront of everyone.Guess what, one of the customer was actually complaining behind saying how come I got the free lantern and they don't have and the manager actually said "come on!you are my VIP".BUAHAHAHAHA!I feel so honoured..hehe..Okay, then my sis and one of her friend were actually saying they want to sing K so we went Kbox after dinner.Sorry holding the mike all the time and thanks to all the gentleman for not being angry and don't mind I did that.Hehe.Jim kor kor..I really need to say I love your singing especially when you sing all the Zhang Xin Zhe's songs.I was sooo deeply falling in love with your singing.Okay, thanks god I didn't lose my voice.AWESOME!

The last event was SCARLET RHAPSODY ball.Okay it was really great and I find it worth it to be honest. Not only get to know all the awesome Malaysian (who are mainly lawyer to be) there but also the decoration and the food. I got Salmon!!!I was lucky because apparently they said the chicken was suckz.Hehe.So yea, I really enjoyed myself eventhough I was really sleepy. Can you imagine I actually fall asleep in SEVEN??SEVEN!!!!!!It was like so freaking noisy!And stupid Sherroy ONG!lied to me telling me epsin has the lowest % of alcohol.DAMN YOU!that was like 60%.Is that the lowest for you?Luckily I am strong enough and don't get drunk easily.Still dare to ask me "are you drunk yet?" can't wait to see me drunk is it?too bad you will never see it!Because I will never get myself drunk!You should know how high my alcohol tolerance is after you guys made me drank that much!anyway,thanks to this guy I just knew there paid for the alcohol for me and tiff.I promised I will pay you back if you ever send me your account number or if we ever meet again!hahahah!

So,that's all I guess.I just want to say I really enjoy myself a lot!my sis asked me am I trying to play hard now before exam because apparently my holiday is full of activities.haha.

cheerz~~

I feel so shitty now after knowing the news about my best friend broke up with her boyfriend.I know it through facebook and I was trying to ask her but in the end I stopped myself.I know she might not want to talk about it because apparently when she chat with me on MSN 2 weeks back she didn't bring the topic up but I can feel something is not right.I didn't ask, everytime she find me is the time I was about to sleep and she hardly online because of the stupid internet connection from her country.I never blame her for not contacting me at all these  months because before she left she told me she might not be able to online there.Before she left,she asked me a lot of things and asked me for advice about her boyfriend.I never expect that to be the end.I kind of know the reason why they broke up.Come on,I don't know why everything can be so realistic.I don't know why can't we have what we want and be who we want to be with because of the stupid reality.I don't know what's wrong with me.I just feel ARRGH!This is so not right!This is not what they deserved!Sometimes I really hate to grow up for knowing so much about this ugly word.I hate to accept something that is not right,accept this bloody reality!I am sick of this but what can I do?I need something to calm myself now and I really hope to talk to her now.I really miss her badly now.sigh~

Finally..

I am back!exactly 1 week!ARRGH!disaster!sick for 1 week!eventhough I am still not fully recover yet but at least I am sort of back on track now.Missed all the lab and test for a week isn't something fun, so many things to catch up!Anyway,about my sickness,didn't know viral infection can be so serious.I visited 3 doctors and got 2 MC in a week.Guess what!I didn't know Australia MC can be so professional and high class.hahahha!Well,no voice for a week can be quite fun though.haha!What else?Ohya, went for IV dripping because apparently I was dehydrated,when I reached home,my hand ache like ah,don't know how to describe and a huge bruise on on my hand.Haih.

During the whole week, I really appreciate everyone who helped me and cared for me. I want to thanks my sis especially for not being able to sleep at night because of me. Thanks her for taking care of me, send me to hospital eventhough she need to work. Thanks Carmen and Jasmine. Thanks Carmen for helping me to deal with all the Uni stuff, for helping me to run up and down to find out what to do if I missed the lab and test. Thanks Jasmine for coming over to accompany me eventhough she was having test, thanks her for making honey lemon cube for me. Lastly, thanks Jun Jun and Xuan for care for me soo much. I feel soo loved!!!muahahaha...

 my 1st Medical Certificate.

My 2nd Medical Certificate.

sick..

I am feeling very sick now. I don't know what is really happened to me. 1 day after i back from hospital then I get into this state. I was actually planning to go uni early to study. Who the hell will know I actually get sicker when I woke up in the morning. I ended up in uni early but didn't do anything at all. I am now in library and I was suppose to get some rest but those bloody people don't understand what is library for. Chatted so loud as if there are in their house. Keep banging the table for nothing. What the hell! Thanks to them I couldn't rest at all. I am feeling warm outside but cold inside. I don't want to be sick! I still have lots of things to do and study. Damn! Help me!:'(

Last night,one of my sis's friend got knock down by a tram in the afternoon.We were suppose to meet up for dinner together but my sis and I decided to meet them up earlier so that can come back earlier.When we reached his house,most of the friends were already playing cards and noticed one of the guy looked really pale and I started to suspect.While we were chatting happily,he suddenly fainted and only then I know he got knocked down by tram 4 hours ago.My 1st reaction was send him to the hospital immediately!But the lucky thing was he fainted only for a few second so I know is not that serious.While waiting for the taxi to arrive,he started to mumbling and he didn't even know he was doing it.I started ti get panic and afraid that he might hit his spinal and causing the suppression of nerve in the brain.Or it might be only due to the suden change of pressure and causing hypoxia in his brain.I started to try to figure out whats really happening on the way to hospital.the time I reached hospital,he already registered and waiting outside the emergency and trauma department.He looked better when I reached there and I kind of know what's really happened.I told him don't have to be worry.I kind of looked at the place he got knocked down and try to palpate and see if there is any abnormalities.There was a bit of edema but not very serious since was already 4 hours and by palpating i was guessing there weren't any internal injuries and breakage of ribs and hips bone.The nurse took his blood pressure,and the pressure was normal.That's kind of confirm my diagnosis which was only due to sudden change of pressure and hypoxia causing him to faint.we waited outside for about 5 hours and finally was his turn.My sis and all of his friends ask me to follow him in so I can explain to him what's the doctor was going to say if he was going to use any medical term.The result was what I guessed.I was right and I was so happy because this was the 3rd time I diagnose about the people who are sick around me and I was right again.

By right I should be very happy and being motivated but I don't know why I got really depressed and upset.I kind of regret over the decision I had made.I started to doubt on my capability and my determination.I am scared and confused.I hope I can make it through and be who I want to be as soon as possible.I was dreaming about a machine which can bring me to the future.I hate to stuck here in this stage of life.It feels really sucks.

emo morning..

Is not a good thing to start a Saturday morning with such a emo weather,plus all the emo songs.Hah!happened to listen to David Archuleta's song when I woke up and my mind flew back to him again.The song "You Can" is the song I always listen to when he left for NS and whenever I am alone.This song used to remind me that I am not alone,remind me that I still have him to support me but the fact is always cruel to me.Now it became a reminder to remind me that nothing lasts forever,relationship is just another stupid game that will cost me a lot..my time,my energy,my tears,my brain cell,my money and the most important thing..MY STUDIES!

Anyway,I realised I am used to the life alone now.Everything by myself,no more busy worrying about something that is none of my business,wasting time helping people to deal with their problems when it is nothing to do with me.Starting to regret doing all these stuff,putting in so much effort for nothing.All I got back was,people took it for granted and that really pissed me off.I used to scared I will lose my friends,thinking maybe put in my heart and soul they will appreciate it but now the realities woke me up.I am not afraid being alone anymore.Frankly speaking,friends were one of the reason that ruined my relationship.I am not blaming my friends but myself.I used to put my friends in 1st priority till I didn't even noticed.He used to tell me hundred thousand times I still keep thinking I am right and did not neglect him thinking I need my freedom as well.After thinking,perhaps I really did neglect him.Well,learn from the mistakes.This is one of the suckest morning..

cheers~

Interesting facts about twitching orbicularis oculi muscle..

Okay,1st of all..orbicularis oculi muscle is the muscle around our eyes.This muscle has two parts: a palpebral part that allows us to open and close our eyelids, and an orbital part that allows us to have a wide range of expressive looks with our eyes, a good example being when our eyes open really wide with surprise.

So,I am having this twitching eyelid for almost 2 days.People always said if you are having left twitching eyelid means something bad got to happen on you and if the right eyelid is twitching will be the opposite meaning.That is why I keep calling back home every few hours to ask if everything is fine back in JB.Obviously I got really annoyed by this stupid twitching thing especially when I was trying to concentrate on studies.That's when I started to do some research on the causes of twitching orbicularis oculi muscle.I typed in "what is the cause of twitching orbicularis" and I got a very good article from some medical website written by a doctor.From the article, I finally get to clear all my doubts.

So,what is the actual cause for our orcularis muscle to twitch?Here we go.The peripheral nerve that acts as a faucet for our orbicularis oculi muscle is called the temporal branch of our facial nerve.So, for us to open and close our eyelids or open our eyes as wide as possible,the temporal branch of our facial nerve must allow just enough electricity to come out from our brain and brain stem and travel to our orbicularis oculi muscle.In the vast majority of cases of a twitching or fluttering eye,the problem is with the temporal branch of the facial nerve.When this nerve becomes fatigued, it acts like a worn down water faucet - the flow of electrons is no longer smooth and even.The result is that our orbicularis oculi muscle will twitch or flutter as it receives jolts of uncontrolled information from our brain and brain stem.

So the main reason for having this annoying twitching eyelid is due to fatigue which is kind of make sense for me as I didn't sleep well this few nights.I have been worrying about something(which I don't know what's that)that keep making my heart to beat so fast.Perhaps there are really too much stuff in my mind till I can't clearly figure out what's the main cause that makes me soo worry about.The thing that really freak me out last night was my heater on itself middle of the night and it actually woke me up.Thanks to that,I was awake for the rest of the night and straight off to uni.

Just a little bit more about my life today.I was super tired after all the twitching stuff and the freaking heater, I am afraid that I can't concentrate on my test.So, decided to buy a cup of long black(recommended by everyone as they said long black is really strong and guarantee will make you awake)and continue my studies in law library.Conclusion is "long black is also useless for me".This prove that my detoxification system is super fast that nothing works on me to make me feel refresh and energetic.I am disappointed.The good thing is I won't get drunk easily but don't worry I won't abuse the benefits of it.=)

That's it!cheers~