hot tempered me..

I have no idea where the hell did I inherit these bloody hot tempered from..I hate myself being that way..could it be the stress level I am having now?I feel so annoyed and pissed everyday for no reason..there are so many stuff in my mind waiting for me to deal with it..yet I am still in a mess of nothing..I don't know where to start and perhaps I had lost my way..I hate to be at home but I can't wait to go home everyday after class..I love to stay in my room alone yet I scared being lonely..I have no idea why I cried out of sudden..feel like screaming all the time but I can't do it..it makes me feel like going back to Melbourne all the time..I love the life there..because I have a place to go whenever I feel so terrible..I have someone to talk to face to face when I need someone to listen to me..and here?I have no one..I can't even talk to my sis about family problems either now..because whenever I started the topic..I ended up to be the terrible and horrible kids she ever seen..I have no right to rant..no right to be upset anything related to the family because I am the youngest..I have to do whatever they expected me to do and no..I am not a slave..that's is my duties to serve everyone in the house and I don't have the time to entertain myself by just watching a bloody series..because I was expected to study all the time..the only time I am free not to study is when I need to serve them and be their driver..all I want to say is..A MEDICAL STUDENT NEED HER LIFE TOO!A MEDICAL STUDENT IS NOT A GEEK WHO NEED TO STUDY 24/7..and you don't judge people until you are in the same situation..just bloody shut your mouth up..I am sorry for being so immature sometimes..but it just pissed me off so badly when you only think about yourself..never even consider my feelings..studying whole day..staying in hospital whole day is tired enough..why do I still need to carry the responsibility to do grocery when they is someone else free-er than me?why are you always so random?can be an angel and a devil at the same time?I know..family is important to me..family is the one who can support me..but why am I feeling it is bringing me down instead?arrgh..sometimes I just wish to stay in uni all day and don't come back..but I need to rest..why do I deserve that when I was resting..someone just bang in and ask me to do some not important?knocking my door like mad as if there is someone dying..seriously..how can I not being annoyed when all I want is just to have a peaceful resting time..I wish I can move to hostel..but I won't want to waste that money..damn..I am in dilemma..seriously..I need to be calmer and keep my tempered cooler..I need a temporary break away from here!

該放手了

讀了這篇文章，有種似曾相識的感覺，感觸很深。。摘自于臺灣likedget..

曾經以為十指緊緊握住的那一條線

其實不用放手就不見

因為根本沒有心繫的那條線

是該放手了  我選擇現在放手

你的笑還是那麼吸引我

然而 我還是得放手

你不說話的雙眼  還是會讓我心動不已

只是  我真的必須放手  放手讓我自己走

我所看到的真實體貼  你真的會讓人願意留在你身邊走也走不開

只是 我現在就得要放手  因為這是真實的生活  我必須放手

只是我的心有些時差必須要適應

適應不再想你  看你  聽你  念你  愛你  戀你  尋找你  收集你  談起你

調整遇見你時的城市跟我現實城市之中的時差

還好  那一年沒有衝動的飛越千里認識你

我們總是隔的遠遠的  遠的有時還能刻意忘記你

幸好  你熟悉的角落我不知道 

就像  你不知道我喜歡你那ㄧ雙手的包容

記憶中我們開始過嗎  或者這一切只是我的幻想

還是與你只是夢一場  不是來日方長

或者  這是注定 我真的必須和我的記憶分手..

祝福你 永遠幸福快樂

我該放手了  放手讓青春的夢走過成熟

若是能夠  我還是想牽你溫暖的手  讓你緊緊擁抱在懷中

如果你知道  會不會為我心疼感動

但願你能夠  祈禱能夠  如果能夠  能夠讓你知道我

曾經為你如此的深深愛過

a lil update..

Well..I would say..time really flies..I finished my 1st paper and got back my result..can I say I am really proud of myself because I had never get such a good result in Med school before..high grading was soo far from me in the past but I am actually getting it now..perhaps being alone in the town isn't a bad thing huh?no distraction I guess?but what really upset me now is my parents reaction about my hardworks..they took my result for granted..I wish they know how much effort I did put in.. realizing how much time I had put in studies..how much my life had changed since I came back from Melbourne..seriously, frankly speaking..I am still not used to the life here..yes..I spent my 17 years here and I only spent 3 years in Melbourne..but it really has a huge difference..anyway..I won't give up..their attitude and behavior will not be strong enough to pull me down..being a good doctor is my dream and I had already come this far..is too late to give up anyway..=p

well..talking about Prince Andrew..he is really an easy going and friendly Prince..sadly the 1st thing I heard from him was "what the hell is this?!"..I won't blame him for saying that..because he said that when I was performing a case with cathetherisation..a very disgusting procedure I would say..but overall..I have a really good impression about him..a small chat with him did lighten up my day..

back to uni life..is getting better I guess..have a pretty good relationship with my batchmate..considering they will shout my name whenever I enter the lecture hall..those guys were great eventhough I am like their elder sister there..but yea..enjoyable..workload wise..is really super heavy..I can feel a super huge rock landing on my shoulder..eventhough the next exam is on Jan..but I can really feel the stress now..presentation..assignments..clinical case performing going to come after one another..but I am really enjoying it..this is what I chose isn't it?

I can't wait for holiday..I need a break..sadly my UK trip got cancled!everything planned but dad suddenly disallow it..feeling so depressed..as if I was reaching the top of mount Everest but I slipped and falled..ARRGH!my roadtrip around UK!!Cardiff..Southamport..Edinburg..Scotland..Manchester..Liverpool and NEW CASTLE!!alll gone..my dream..vanished!but hey..I am still longing for my sis's return..and also all the awesome friends from Melbourne..

Exam period now in Melbourne..I am really so lonely here without anyone to talk to when everyone was busy hardcoring..and I was struggling if I should wish him good luck for his exam..my heart asked me to do so..but my brain stop me..so I should just follow my brain this time and stop my heart from getting anymore more injury..well..I guess thats all..

last thing..the weather here is killing me..it just makes me feel so sleepy all day during the weekend..and I so not proud to announce that I wasted my whole weekend watching Scrubs..

chaoz!