hot tempered me..

I have no idea where the hell did I inherit these bloody hot tempered from..I hate myself being that way..could it be the stress level I am having now?I feel so annoyed and pissed everyday for no reason..there are so many stuff in my mind waiting for me to deal with it..yet I am still in a mess of nothing..I don't know where to start and perhaps I had lost my way..I hate to be at home but I can't wait to go home everyday after class..I love to stay in my room alone yet I scared being lonely..I have no idea why I cried out of sudden..feel like screaming all the time but I can't do it..it makes me feel like going back to Melbourne all the time..I love the life there..because I have a place to go whenever I feel so terrible..I have someone to talk to face to face when I need someone to listen to me..and here?I have no one..I can't even talk to my sis about family problems either now..because whenever I started the topic..I ended up to be the terrible and horrible kids she ever seen..I have no right to rant..no right to be upset anything related to the family because I am the youngest..I have to do whatever they expected me to do and no..I am not a slave..that's is my duties to serve everyone in the house and I don't have the time to entertain myself by just watching a bloody series..because I was expected to study all the time..the only time I am free not to study is when I need to serve them and be their driver..all I want to say is..A MEDICAL STUDENT NEED HER LIFE TOO!A MEDICAL STUDENT IS NOT A GEEK WHO NEED TO STUDY 24/7..and you don't judge people until you are in the same situation..just bloody shut your mouth up..I am sorry for being so immature sometimes..but it just pissed me off so badly when you only think about yourself..never even consider my feelings..studying whole day..staying in hospital whole day is tired enough..why do I still need to carry the responsibility to do grocery when they is someone else free-er than me?why are you always so random?can be an angel and a devil at the same time?I know..family is important to me..family is the one who can support me..but why am I feeling it is bringing me down instead?arrgh..sometimes I just wish to stay in uni all day and don't come back..but I need to rest..why do I deserve that when I was resting..someone just bang in and ask me to do some not important?knocking my door like mad as if there is someone dying..seriously..how can I not being annoyed when all I want is just to have a peaceful resting time..I wish I can move to hostel..but I won't want to waste that money..damn..I am in dilemma..seriously..I need to be calmer and keep my tempered cooler..I need a temporary break away from here!