The suckest Christmas eve ever..my bro's birthday..we used to have celebration every year and countdown for Christmas..except this year..always waited for this day to come so that we can finally sit down together and have a proper meal together..and today..everything is so different and I am feeling so empty..been soo long for not having this crappy feelings..having this crappy feeling is not because we are not counting down for Christmas..but because of someone else..I should have listen to J..block and delete that bloody guy who always come and screw my mood..I always thought I wont care whatever he talked to me anymore..but why is he always acting he is that great and I am always the wrong one..I hate this..feel like crying..feel like talking to someone..but seems like the only one who understand how I feel is not here for me but busy celebrating Christmas with his/her friends..and I can't bear to disturb him/her..just told my friend loudly that I am super fine..and everything is over..then today that bloody guy came and gave me such a big Christmas present..I tried not to hate him..I seriously tried..but why is he always appear at the wrong time..I am feeling so useless..I feel like shouting..I told my mum I am unhappy..super unhappy..but I can't tell her why..I can't cry..is my bro's birthday..is Christmas eve!is supposed to be a joyful festival..what the hell can I do?!TELL ME!what the hell do you want from me?!leave me alone!I am seriously leading an awesome life without you..I am done..I don't understand why some people can be so selfish..trying to screw people life when they can't get their happiness..why are they being sarcastic when they saw people feeling so happy..why does he need to say.."hope your happiness is not due to repression.."damn you man..seriously..I don't know why I care so much about that..and of course my happiness is not due to repression..so please stop thinking so highly about yourself..if you still want to be friend..keep your mouth shut and behave yourself..I don't need you to lecture me on this joyful festival..if not just get yourself out of my life completely..yes..completely..I don't need you to be there to screw my life and hurt me constantly..
No matter what..Happy Birthday..My beloved Brother..sorry for not being able to celebrate with you because of dad..we love you..as usual..=)
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