Exhausted..

Really feel like breaking down in library today half way studying, I have no idea why am I so stress, feel like screaming. The time passed so fast that I didn't even notice is dinner time, I was so tired and just feel like giving up. Friend called me and asked me to go down and join them for dinner, but I went down just to give myself a break, no appetite at all. Fact was, when I was down, I felt like going back to my spot again to get my reading done. Seriously, what am I scared of? Why do I keep feeling empty inside, and kept thinking that I haven't finish everything? I can't stand myself for faking my smile, I feel even more tired after smiling. The library was so noisy and I was so annoyed and started to increase the volume of my songs, and yay! headache attack! Why am I giving myself so much pressure? Should I just stop expecting? Maybe I shouldn't set my expectation that high, I don't know who I want to impress, or maybe is just for the sake of myself, preparing myself to clinical year, trying to build a better foundation. I clearly know that my parents won't give a damn even when I got very good result, because they will think this is what I was supposed to do. Oh yea, guess I know why I am stress now. Mum messaged me if I was going to come home for dinner, I replied no, too stress, no appetite, hoping that she will comfort me a bit, but she called up with "blaming" tone, and asked :" what's wrong with you, why so stress, I thought you finish studying already, still so stress for what, now already so stress, how are you going to survive in the future?". I didn't know how to react, what she said was true, but is that really the right time to tell me that? All I replied was, " I am fine, don't bother cooking my dinner, will be home late. Bye." Well, guess I am hurt again. I just can't wait to graduate, but before that, still have to overcome so many more obstacles, will I be able to overcome it? Starting to doubt on myself again. I know I shouldn't be so negative, but, I really hope that someone close to me would at least care for me a bit? Reaching home with no one entertain you, (oh, didn't even see anyone even when I was sitting in living room) is really not helping. Maybe I won't feel so hurt if I am staying away from home?
Can't stop my pipe now, and this is so crappy.

Back to my notes. ='(