messy feelings...

last night..i had a great night with all the convents gals..xuan..jas..ann..ling n asther..we were supposed to have dinner together only..but we somehow realised that had been a long time we didn't really catch up with each other..so we decided to hang out outside QV..6 girls sitting on the carpet grass in a circle..we chat we laughed we had fun..but my mind brought me back to 2 yrs back..i don't know why..just feel pretty down again over the facts that everything is different now..the facts that not all friendship n relationship will last forever..perhaps this is where we pick up our mistakes and grow to be a better one..but still..why can't things last?why people must change so easily??why can't they just stay who they are?they changed because they finally know who are they supposed to be?but it doesn't make sense..shouldn't they supposed to change to a better one when they finally know who they want to be?or is it due to the environment and the reality?WTH M I THINKING..haih..stop it!is none of my business!people have the choice to choose how they want to live with..well..i can get over this..this "cruel" reality that had kidnapped all my happiness that used to belong to me away..

anyway..had lunch with xuan jas and ann again..as we planned to go and take a look at fo guan yuan..so that we can start chanting and praying and volunteer-ing..and now i am thinking whether i should be active in this or i should keep myself away from this..hmm..maybe i should wait untill my sis come back only decide..well..on the way back..ann n i decided to go coles to do some groceries..by right ann supposed to be the one who accompany me..but i was bad enough to keep saying this "airen!this 5 buckz only..very cheap!buy buy buy!"and didn't know she will get distracted so easily and BANG!she bought more then me till i need to worry will she be able to carry those stuff back to dockland..my bad..airen..sorry..

on the way back..we were talking about how we slack during this one week break..i was telling her..we will not be having any break in between till our mid year exam..and her replied was "no!we still got ANZAC day!1 day break"yes..ANZAC day..this is where it touched my heart..25th of April is ANZAC day..is also his birthday..the day he said he might be in Melbourne so i can celebrate with him..but now..everything canceled..everything gone..my mood dropped from super high to super duper ultra low..but of course i fake it well..and airen didn't realize something was happening in my heart..then when i reached home..i don't know what had happened to me..i felt really sleepy and fall asleep on my study table and he appeared in my dream..when i woke up i can feel that my heart was actually aching and my eyes cannot open because the tears had kind of glued up my eyes..i sat in front of my table staring at my laptop and started to miss him again..i know he will not contact me anymore and of course i can't..i know he deserves a better life..i shouldn't be there to keep messing up his life..i should let go..and yes!really let go!but why is it so easy to be said than done?haih..

i guess all this feelings are all due to this 1 week break..that makes me think so much..hopefully i will feel better when uni reopen....

cheers~