weird feeling..

Holiday for few days, I still didnt get enough rest. Spending most of my time doing assignment and yes! one last part and I am done! Oh well, met my Monash Melb friend today and I am really happy..but happy moment dont last isnt it? Got dragged out by my bro again and we went and watched movie..Hansel and Gretel the witch hunter..not a bad movie though..but my plan was to finish my assignment today, obviously I didnt manage to.. Got a call from my friend, she was crying and had to rush down to town to meet her..There goes my last day of holiday..but I am happy that I am able to help, at least that's the least I could do for my close friend..

What I really dislike is you will appear in my mind when I was all alone at night and decided to sleep..:(.. why like that? I need an answer.............

messed up..

no idea how can I get this down this few days, not sure if is due to my result or something else.
one thing I am sure is, I am tired of how you are treating me, Kel posted this song and it really touched my heart.
though I am always acting I am happy, but I know how upset I am deep in my heart.
She asked me why do I looked so sad the whole day, I told her I was just too tired.
I realised I changed a lot after exam, from a bubbly girl to a super quiet girl. I don't smile that often anymore.
I don't know what's wrong with me but I can just break down anytime, even when driving along at night on highway.
Came home early today before the birthday dinner for my aunt, decided to take a rest, tears just cant stop dropping when I was lying on bed.
I really don't know what's in my mind, how can I get this depressed?
am starting to worry if my depression is going to come back anytime soon.
feeling so lethargy all the time, losing all my interest in everything, don't even feel like talking.
all I want now is a getaway, to relax my mind with someone I am comfortable with.
how hard is that?

I am tired with all the guessing game, all the hot and cold, all the whatever feeling that makes me feel uncomfortable. I am sorry but I really need to let go, if I could.
Probably godbro is right. I am not strong enough.

你总是一副不在意的样子 　　

在我面前笑嘻嘻 　　

话语如儿戏 　　我对你充满疑意 　　

然而当他的手挥舞在我的肩臂 　　

突然你的眉间多了一丝严厉 　　

而在你眼里找到的却是怜惜 　　

你转过身去 拳已攥紧 　　

你承认吧 你需要我 　　

可你需要更多的是勇气 　　

你害怕失去 更害怕一个人的孤寂 　　

我承认了 我需要你 　　

选择友谊是对爱情的逃避 　　

试着抛开怀疑 　　

因为我已经无力在抗拒 　　

我总是猜不透你的用意 　　

曾今试图一而再 　　

再而三读懂你 　　

如果说我不在意 　　

那也是一出戏 　　

这不是秘密 　　

在你面前我无须掩盖什么东西 　　

因为你懂我的点点滴滴 　　

我只是来不及 承认自己 　　

你承认吧 你需要我 　　

可你需要更多的是勇气 　　

你害怕失去 更害怕一个人的孤寂 　　

我承认了 我需要你 　　

选择友谊是对爱情的逃避 　　

试着抛开怀疑 　　

因为我已经无力在抗拒 　　

看不清 弄不明 　　

我不想再猜测什么 　　

只要听你说 我需要你........... 　　

有時候

有時候，覺得自己有太多的怨言。
有時候，覺得自己太容易相信人。
有時候，覺得自己有點天真。
有時候，覺得自己有點愚蠢。

知道自己有多麽的幸福，所以真的不該再抱怨什麽，努力讀書
覺得是時候不要再付出，因爲他不會在乎，也不會珍惜。。
不要再那麽輕易相信人，因爲你不會知道他何時會在你背後捅你一道刀。

我只是有點累，我所做的真的沒有想要要求任何回報，
只是希望，不會被視爲理所當然，就那麽簡單。
可是這世界上，已不再會有這種人。

儅我決定放棄一段友誼或人，
我真的不會在多加理會他的近況。。

謝謝你，這幾天哄我開心，陪我聊天到入睡，那麽地關心我，
只希望我們的友誼會一直這樣地保持著。。

晚安。。

tired..

I am actually feeling even tired compared to exam period. Guess that's because all I need to worry about during exam is study, but now, I have so many things to do. Though I had finally finish the SC budget part but there are still so many things waiting for me to deal with. I am worried about my patient study, my patient who always don't pick up my call or reply my email. Worried about CNY, I had lost my focus, I donno what's my plan tomorrow, my schedule is so messed up and I am so tired. I thought I am having holiday now but I am not. I want to enjoy my so called holiday, but I need to get ready for sem 2. I  just can't wait for year 2 to be over. And then I will say I can't wait for year 3 to be over, and yea, I can't wait to graduate! I wish I could fast forward my time but keep my parents' age. BUT THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE. Mind starting to go wild now, guess I really need some rest now, and my back is bloody aching. :'(


who are you to me and who am I to you?

night..

Finally..

Finally, everything is over, I don't know how bad my result will be, but I know I had done my best. I am still expecting for Merit though I know it just flew passed me after my 1st paper, though paper 2 isn't that bad but I am not sure if I am able to compensate those marks I had lost in paper 1, but anyway, I am kind of free now! Next on schedule is assignment! Still have so many things on my list, and I gona nail it one by one, but before that, I need to have a good rest. 正所謂，休息是爲了走更長遠的路。

Ah, supposed to watch movie with my classmate tomorrow after meeting with Prof, but as usual, organising outing among my unimate is the hardest mission ever, discussion without outcome has become a tradition in my group, and not forgetting sarcasm. I am so not gona organise anything among my "group" anymore, guess I am leaving the group very soon, I am half out already I guess, haha!

Oh, I had a great time with bro tonight, he was so sweet to wish me so many times before my exam, encouraging me and motivating me even few minutes before I enter the exam hall. Texted me again after exam to make sure I am fine, asked me out for dinner, thinking ways to help me destress and relax myself, and yeah!He brought me to karaoke, oh well, he asked me to drive him initially, but my mum was cute enough to say this to him :"你是沒有考過試啊！不知道考試很累啊，還叫她駕車！" I was laughing non stop and yea, he became my driver for the night! 幸福有時就是那麽簡單，一封簡訊，一句話，就能溶化你的心，不是嗎？

Oh well, off to bed! night world!

那些你很冒險的夢

當兩顆心開始震動

當你瞳孔學會閃躲

當愛慢慢被遮住只剩下黑

距離像影子被拉拖

當愛的故事剩聽說

我找不到你單純的面孔

當生命每分每秒都為你轉動

心多執著就加倍心痛

那些你很冒險的夢 我陪你去瘋

摺紙飛機 碰到雨天 終究會墜落

太殘忍的話我直說 因為愛很重

你卻不想懂 只往反方向走

當愛的故事剩聽說

我找不到你單純的面孔

當生命每分每秒都為你轉動

心有多執著就加倍心痛

那些你很冒險的夢 我陪你去瘋

摺紙飛機 碰到雨天 終究會墜落

太殘忍的話我直說 因為愛很重

你卻不想懂 只往反方向走

我不想放手 你鬆開的左手

你愛的放縱 我白不回天空

我輸了 累了 當你再也不回頭

那些你很冒險的夢 我陪你去瘋

摺紙飛機 碰到雨天 終究會墜落

太殘忍的話我直說 因為愛很重

你卻不想懂 只往反方向走

你真的不懂 我的愛已降落

Exhausted..

Really feel like breaking down in library today half way studying, I have no idea why am I so stress, feel like screaming. The time passed so fast that I didn't even notice is dinner time, I was so tired and just feel like giving up. Friend called me and asked me to go down and join them for dinner, but I went down just to give myself a break, no appetite at all. Fact was, when I was down, I felt like going back to my spot again to get my reading done. Seriously, what am I scared of? Why do I keep feeling empty inside, and kept thinking that I haven't finish everything? I can't stand myself for faking my smile, I feel even more tired after smiling. The library was so noisy and I was so annoyed and started to increase the volume of my songs, and yay! headache attack! Why am I giving myself so much pressure? Should I just stop expecting? Maybe I shouldn't set my expectation that high, I don't know who I want to impress, or maybe is just for the sake of myself, preparing myself to clinical year, trying to build a better foundation. I clearly know that my parents won't give a damn even when I got very good result, because they will think this is what I was supposed to do. Oh yea, guess I know why I am stress now. Mum messaged me if I was going to come home for dinner, I replied no, too stress, no appetite, hoping that she will comfort me a bit, but she called up with "blaming" tone, and asked :" what's wrong with you, why so stress, I thought you finish studying already, still so stress for what, now already so stress, how are you going to survive in the future?". I didn't know how to react, what she said was true, but is that really the right time to tell me that? All I replied was, " I am fine, don't bother cooking my dinner, will be home late. Bye." Well, guess I am hurt again. I just can't wait to graduate, but before that, still have to overcome so many more obstacles, will I be able to overcome it? Starting to doubt on myself again. I know I shouldn't be so negative, but, I really hope that someone close to me would at least care for me a bit? Reaching home with no one entertain you, (oh, didn't even see anyone even when I was sitting in living room) is really not helping. Maybe I won't feel so hurt if I am staying away from home?
Can't stop my pipe now, and this is so crappy.

Back to my notes. ='(