nowhere...

my mood is terribly bad now and I just couldn't find out what trigger that..I am currently nowhere in my life..thinking of my life..I never know when will it end..been thinking about this now and then..been thinking what if I just die tomorrow..will I have any regrets..and the answer is Yes!there are so much things I haven't experience..because of my family I got restricted from doing certain things that I feel like giving it a try..is it too late for me to be rebellious?I just want to be myself..my real self rather than suppressing all my thought and my feelings...I want to get what I want..perhaps I am really feeling so stress right now that I feel like breaking all my principles..I was just thinking..I should really experience whatever I want when I am still young..but I couldn't..life is so fragile..it breaks easily..and I might just gone like that..who knows I might get bang by train the next day..or I might just slipped and fall into the sea and my leg is numb and couldn't swim and just drown like that..I just want to be happy right now and why is it so hard?I am trying hard to achieve my goal but I realize I am now too weak to continue..I need something to push me..to motivate me and to keep me going..but what is the something..and another thing I realize about myself is the harder I try to achieve what I want..the further I am from the goal..what is really going on?

couldn't sleep..every night when I close my eyes I feel like crying..am I really sick?the more you care about it..the further the distance between you and your goal..this is so wrong..this shouldn't be the way..I need a doctor..a doctor who can cure all my sickness to make my life better..or maybe just my migraine..that's more than enough..I need a psychologist..who can reopen my heart and tell me how to lead a better life..I am starting to scared..I am scared I will just go anytime..I am scared I won't have a good future..I am scared of meeting new people because I am scared of being betrayed or cheated..I am starting to stop trusting the world..the promises..are all lies..I don't know who am I now..why am I so upset all the time..why is there nothing for me to be happy about?

my family..so far away from me..couldn't reach them..too busy for me..no one to talk to..no one to rely on..and now..I am all alone..I seriously need to stand up again..I can't give up now..but I am feeling really exhausted..mentally and physically..解鈴還需係鈴人..no one can help me..no one.....