I don't know what's going on with me..I am having this weird feeling since morning..had a dream last night..about one of my bff got kidnapped..he is a super rich guy..and he suddenly appeared infront of my house..I don't know what happened in between..when I tried to contact him but I just can't get him..then I found out he got kidnapped..usually kidnappers will put bomb together with that person..but in my dream..the kidnappers put a radioactive material together with my friend..seems like the kidnappers trying to make my friend got cancer..somehow I saved my friend in the end..after that..my friend no longer in my dream..turned out his parents keep saying tq to me and treat me like their daughter..then my sis woke me up..and that's the end of the dream..
on the way to uni..i feel very down..while listening to the ipod..I kind of think of E again..I told myself not to..but apparently I can't..anyway..while doing my neuro lab report..again..I was thinking if only if he is still my bf..he will teach me how to do the report..and I don't have to keep thinking whether my answer is right or wrong..damn..started to miss him again..but the good thing is I didn't neglect my work..keep telling myself..all I need to do now is study and achieve my dream..but still..I don't like that kind of feelings..
looking through my fb new feed..my cousin's profile keep popping up..so decided to take a look at his profile and see if got any updates..only then I started to realise..we had lost contact..he used to contact me via msn or skype..but now he is not even on msn..and also my cousin sister..did I do something wrong that makes them block me?okay..I don't even know whether I got blocked..we used to be so close..I started to ask myself..what did I do..but I can't think of any..and I feel kind of upset about it..people around me is getting lesser and lesser..seems like everyone is leaving me..is walking away from my life..and I want to know why....
this is the song that make me think of E..
*听着这首歌的歌词。。再想想我们从前在一起的日子。。说真的。。其实我根本就不懂你。。平时聊天也用错了言语。。就因为这样常常闹得大家都累了。。从前自认已经很了解你。。发生了这么多事后才恍然觉悟。。我其实应该试着更懂你。。但因为知道自己的脾气。。自己不爱解释的性格。。认为你应该很了解我的想法。。才会变得这样的地步。。当自己都不知道自己想要的是什么。。自己不了解自己时。。又怎能强求别人来了解自己呢。。我不会要求什么机会。。也不想再有什么机会。。只希望你能找到真正了解你的她。。一直幸福下去。。以前所有的不快乐。。所有你辱骂过我的话。。我都会一一把它从我的记忆里删除。。你留给我的美好回忆。。我回把它埋在心里的最深处。。当然。。我不会忘记你。。将来如果有缘。。我相信我们还可以是彼此的好朋友。。除了想对你说声谢谢你。。也想对你说声对不起。。谢谢你让我在空闲时，压力时。。有段那么美好的回忆能回味。。对不起我的野蛮与任性。。这段感情会破裂。。我不会完全怪你。。我知道我自己也要附上不少责任。。希望明年你会到墨尔本时。。能有个美好的开始。。过着你向往的生活。。*~深知你不会读到。。但这是我内心深处一直想告诉你的话。。可能如果有一天你回到这页。。读到这段时。。应该又会把它说成是废话丢到脑后。。但我不会再在乎。。我知道我的心对你已麻木。。保重。。~
I'm sorry for being emo again..used to promise my friends to stop emoing but sorry..I just couldn't help it..blogging is the only way to let me "speak" out everything I want to..to help me in letting him go slowly without fighting again and again and again..and I don't care if there's no reader..since this blog meant for me to talk to myself..and some of my close friends..off to bed before I start talking nonsense..night....
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