recently..I slowly realised that I don't really have anyone to talk to..except my bear bear..he is the only one who will agree with whatever I said..he is the only one who will not pour cold water on me..he is the only one who will not sarcastic me..he is the only one will quietly listen to me and he is also the only one who will not give me any pressure..he makes me smile..he make me laugh..he makes me feel better..and will never make me cry..he is now the only one I can rely on..but I know he shouldn't be the one..I need someone who are alive..but the one I need isn't here for me..and will not be here for me..never..forever..
I naively thought that by keeping myself busy will make me stop thinking so much but apparently I am wrong..eventhough I enjoy doing everything I am doing right now..but the moment when I stop doing everything..my mind start roaming again..and my heart will start hurting again..whenever i hug bear..whenever I talk to bear..whenever i put bear into sleep..I feel hurt..I feel sick..I feel super down..but what can I do?I need bear the most now..and I can't let him go..but if I don't I really scared my life will just gone like that..please spare me..I am soooo sick..haih..
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